Carers' Corner

Bereavement: Stress Management of Grief and Loss

Introduction

Birth and death are natural events of life. If we learn more about the process of grieving, and adopt an open attitude in the face of the crisis, we will be better prepared for the change brought about by the death of a loved one.

Common psychological reactions to the death of a loved one

• Denial: feeling shocked, cannot accept or believe what has happened
  

• Anger: feeling unfair, questioning why this has happened
  

• Bargaining: want to reverse the situation, hoping to regain the loss by compromising
  

• Depression: feeling disappointed, frustrated and hopeless after realizing that the reality cannot be changed
  

• Acceptance: accepting the reality and coping with changes

  People may not experience the above reactions in a chronological manner. Some may oscillate between these reactions.

Common grief reactions to bereavement

• Cognitive: feeling blank or bewildered, confused, unable to concentrate, ruminating or dreaming about the deceased
  

• Physical and behavioral: breathing difficulty, loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, sighing, weeping, feeling fatigue, restless, being touchy, or contrarily, acting as if nothing had happened
  

• Emotional: feeling depressed, frightened, anxious, guilty, numbed, isolated, agitated, hopeless, or even having hallucinations

  Grief reactions may vary among different people. For most people, the depression will ease within the first two months but some may need longer time to pacify their emotions.

Developmental tasks for adjustment to bereavement

• Accepting the reality of loss: Acknowledging the beloved is dead, and accepting that death cannot be reversed.

  • Suggestions: participating in funeral or relevant commemorative functions can help in accepting the fact.

• Working through the emotional pain of grief: Emotional suffering is inevitable.

  • Suggestions: mourning for the deceased peacefully, expressing one's distress to relatives or friends can help placate disturbance.

• Adjusting to the new environment: Rearranging and continuing life routines in the absence of the deceased.

  • Suggestions: learning new life skills, getting assistance from others will be helpful to manage life tasks and changes.

• Relocating emotional attachment: Shifting attention and life anchor from the deceased to others.

  • Suggestions: packing up belongings of the deceased, treasuring other interpersonal relationships, offering care and concern to others and making full use of time can help develop new direction for one's own life.

   

Some suggestions to help the bereaved:

• Encourage the bereaved to express his/ her grief
  

• Respect the choice of the bereaved if he/ she does not want to mention the deceased
  

• Listen patiently to the bereaved and do not show annoyance no matter how repetitive, trivial or unrealistic the grievances might seem
  

• Accept that grief reactions may vary among people and do not criticize
  

• Let the bereaved know that to experience grief is normal
  

• Remind the bereaved on the need to care for himself/ herself
  

• Encourage the bereaved to redirect the focus of life to other people or affairs
  

• Encourage the bereaved to seek counseling services in case of need

  Death is an inevitable part of life. Although it may provoke distress, it also reminds us of the importance to treasure what we have at present.

Related topics

Stress in the Elderly

Depression

Reference :

Resource Book on Psychosocial Health Promotion in the Elderly (Traditional Chinese Only)